CACTUS ALBUMS 2007

CACTUS ALBUMS 2007 & 2008

almost all voices by the amazing

KEITH SCOTT

ROBYN MOORE

Albums may contain some tracks which have been previously released.

WEEKLY ALBUMS (scroll further down for MONTHLY ALBUMS)

Cactus 4296-4300 November 17-21, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 21 NOVEMBER 2008
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2. JOHNNY TV SERIES Tonight on ABC TV, The Johnny Years, the true story of John Hobbit's reign.
It's the most anticipated documentary has since the Nigela Lawson chocolate coated melons episode.

3. WHITE SLAVERY Long-suffering Julia Buzzard, in charge while Kruddy is in the US, is harrassed by
Malcolm Talkbull. Worse still, Kruddy arrives home early with a plan to increase Julia's workload.

4. BABY BONUS Hey parents! Don't know what to do with all that government money you got for the
kids? You need Susware's new innovation, The Baby Bonus SuperCentre! There's even stuff for the kids.

5. CNN 20.11.08 Sandra Sultry has stories on the Big Four Banks, the Pope and the President of Iran,
John Michael Starsniffer reveals Hollywood super-egos, and Big Dazza has news in boxing.

6. PERU HERE WE COME Kevin Krudd arrives at the White House to offer President George a lift the
APEC meeting. George is upset when that "stupid Astro-American upstarter" Barack Oh Bummer arrives.

NOTE: Some tracks may have been previously broadcast and/or released. ©2008 Triffique Productions Pty Ltd. All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

Cactus 4291-4295 November 10-14, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 14 NOVEMBER 2008
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2. PLAGIARISM Kerry O'Pinion, host of the 7.30 Report, seeks an assessment of the economy from
Shadow Treasurer, Jewellery Bishop. But is it her own opinion or someone else's?

3. SEXIEST MP Sandra Sultry surveys our Parliamentarians to find the sexiest. She talks to Kevin Krudd,
Mal Talkbull, Julia Buzzard, Bile Heffernan, Jewels Bishop, Bob Green and Senator Steve Breeding.

4. ZIMBABWE POWER In this latest episode of the great sitcom, Everybody Loves Robert, Bobby
Mugabe shares power, giving the Opposition Leader resposibility for the economy.

5. KRUDD to NY Malcolm Talkbull begs Kevin Krudd to take him on his trip to New York. Julia
Buzzard thinks it strange that Kevin has not packed any underpants, given he has so much arse.

6. SUSWARE WALKING Hey guys and girls! Is the price of petrol giving you a pain in the wallet? Then
you need the Susware How To Walk DVD! Yes that's right! Learn the latest petrol-saving craze, walking!

Cactus 4286-4290 November 3-7, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 7 NOVEMBER 2008
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2. CABINET CRISIS The Krudd Cabinet hears Treasurer Wayne Duck deliver more bad news on the
financial crisis. In the interests of bipartisanship, Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull insists on taking over.

3. CUP CALL At last, a Cup call that tells it like it is. That is, a procession of one brown horse after another.
It's the Cup call for people who don't give a brown hoot.

4. US ELECTIONS Genius 60 Minutes reported Peter Hardnose interviews Presidential candidates
Obama and McCain as well as George W Gump, the President who stopped the nation.

5. DEAD PARODY SKETCH Kevin Krudd complains to a shopkeeper about a recent purchase, a
Costello economy, which appears to be dead and nailed to its perch. He is assured it's only resting.

6. GLOBAL WARMING GREATS Break out the razor blades! It's the album you've been waiting for!
Senator Bob Brown's Global Warming Greats! Songs of doom and despair for these modern times!

Cactus 4281-4285 October 27-31, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 31 OCTOBER 2008
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2. KEVIN MAN Treasurer Wayne Duck is due to marry his Surplus next Saturday but oh oh, half his
Surplus is missing. The big spender, Kevin Krudd, shows Wayne his latest tool to fight the financial crisis.

3. GRAVE ROBBERS In 1858 a funeral took place in a cold, foggy cemetery in Romania. The poor
man's death was so strange that not even grave robbers would go near the grave. Until now. Scary huh?

4. MAL'S FIRESIDE CHAT Flopposition messiah Malcolm Talkbull, in a fireside chat from his Point Piper
mansion, Derivative Towers, tells us what he is doing to save us from the financial crisis.

5. GEORGE'S FOOTPRINT Having learned all about global warming from Presidential hopeful Senator
John McWayne, President George W Gump explains the danger of "climax change" to First Lady Laura.

6. CUP JOCKEYS A Melbourne Cup preview. Get all the inside information on the runners from the
country's three leading jockeys, Troy Steroid, Jack Caffeine and George Eveready.

Cactus 4276-4280 October 20-24, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 24 OCTOBER 2008
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2. FINANCE BAILOUT Treasurer Duck catches Kevin and Julia stealing from the Surplus to bail out the
finance industry. It's the first time he's seen Julia wear stockings...and they're over her face.

3. DESPERATE OBAMAS Presidential candidate Bees-wax Obama is worried that some opinion polls
suggest he will lose the race to the White House. Obama thinks that perhaps he should wear more bling.

4. LUNCH MEETING In the Kim Beazley Commemorative Dining Room, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzz-
ard are confronted by Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull and his answer to the global financial crisis.

5. MAAAATE MAGAZINE OCT 08 Hey blokes! Check out this month's Maaaate Magazine! Get the
latest from alpha males Andrew Symonds, Robert Mugabe, Billy McPig and Sarah Palin.

6. SUSWARE HOUSING Hey renters! Hey aspirational homeowners! Think buying your own home is out
of reach? Susware has the answer! With a ringing endorsement from ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto.

Cactus 4271-4275 October 13-17, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 17 OCTOBER 2008
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2. TO RIO & TINTO During a party in the office of Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull, Kevin Krudd is
forced to defend the frequency of his overseas trips. He reveals the real reason for his love of travel.

3. CNN 14.10.08 Sandra Sultry with news on Qantas, Robert Godhelpus with news on the stockmarket,
Richard Girlyman with news on Sophie Monk, and Dazza with news on Ben Cousins and Casey Stoner.

4. 13 ZEROS As President George W Gump writes a cheque for $700bn, he is accuse of incompetence
by Senator John McWayne who insists he's found smarter things than George in his hair.

5. SAINT CACTUS At St Cactus General Hospital, Dr Kevin Krudd, Dr Bob Brown and Dr Malcolm
Talkbull must decide how to treat an emergency patient, Mother Nature, who has been horribly abused.

6. THIS IS YOUR QUEEN Queen Elizabeth is set up by Mike Mundane for an episode of This Is Your
Life. It's a fascinating life, from the moment the midwife was beheaded for slapping the Queen's bottom.

Cactus 4266-4270 October 6-10, 2008 RELEASE DATE: 10 OCTOBER 2008
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2. EDUCATION REVOLUTION The Education Revolution's Gang of Two, Chairman Mao Ze-Krudd
and Golden Happy Fun Education Minister Julia Buzz-ard visit the front line, Carntberra Public School.

3. FINANCIAL CRISIS Peter Hardnose, the intrepid 60 MInutes reporter, flies to America to interview
the one man who should be able to solve the world financial crisis, President George W Gump. Oh well.

4. BLUE COLLAR MALCOLM In an effort to win over the blue collar voters, Liberal Leader Malcolm
Talkbull and his disciples Jewellery Bishop and Prissy Pyne, visit a working class hotel, The Busted Arms.

5. THE JOHNNY MEMOIRS At the Grey Gums Retirement Resort, ex-PM John Hobbit is dictating his
memoirs to Janette Hobbit. He is interrupted by his next door neighbour, another ex-PM, Paul Keating.

6. SUSWARE WATER Hey farmers! Is the drought driving you mad? Hey dirty people! Water
restrictions making you smell? Then you need Susware Recycled Water! Now with cursory filtration!

MONTHLY ALBUMS 2007 & 2008

OCTOBER 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 OCTOBER 2008
Cactus 4263- 4285 October 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

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2. I'LL BE BACK Mr Universe, Hollywood star and now the Governor of California, Arnold Schockinactor,
is about to leave home to give a policy speech, much to the consternation of his wife, Maria.

3. BATH PLUG While relaxing in the bath with Mother Therese, Kevin Krudd takes a phone call from
President George W Gump who wants to know about Kevin's new carbon dating, er, trading scheme.

4. BUZZARD & PETE In the Sir John Kerr Memorial Bar, ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto becomes tired
and emotional while warning Deputy PM Julia Buzzard about the dangers of trusting a boss.

5. EDUCATION REVOLUTION The Education Revolution's Gang of Two, Chairman Mao Ze-Krudd
and Golden Happy Fun Education Minister Julia Buzz-ard visit the front line, Carntberra Public School.

6. FINANCIAL CRISIS Peter Hardnose, the intrepid 60 MInutes reporter, flies to America to interview
the one man who should be able to solve the world financial crisis, President George W Gump. Oh well.

7. BLUE COLLAR MALCOLM In an effort to win over the blue collar voters, Liberal Leader Malcolm
Talkbull and his disciples Jewellery Bishop and Prissy Pyne, visit a working class hotel, The Busted Arms.

8. THE JOHNNY MEMOIRS At the Grey Gums Retirement Resort, ex-PM John Hobbit is dictating his
memoirs to Janette Hobbit. He is interrupted by his next door neighbour, another ex-PM, Paul Keating.

9. SUSWARE WATER Hey farmers! Is the drought driving you mad? Hey dirty people! Water
restrictions making you smell? Then you need Susware Recycled Water! Now with cursory filtration!

10. TO RIO & TINTO During a party inthe office of Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull, Kevin Krudd is
forced to defend the frequency of his overseas trips. He reveals the real reason for his love of travel.

11. CNN 14.10.08 Sandra Sultry with news on Qantas, Robert Godhelpus with news on the stockmarket,
Richard Girlyman with news on Sophie Monk, and Dazza with news on Ben Cousins and Casey Stoner.

12. 13 ZEROS As President George W Gump writes a cheque for $700bn, he is accuse of incompetence
by Senator John McWayne who insists he's found smarter things than George in his hair.

13. SAINT CACTUS At St Cactus General Hospital, Dr Kevin Krudd, Dr Bob Brown and Dr Malcolm
Talkbull must decide how to treat an emergency patient, Mother Nature, who has been horribly abused.

14. THIS IS YOUR QUEEN Queen Elizabeth is set up by Mike Mundane for an episode of This Is Your
Life. It's a fascinating life, from the moment the midwife was beheaded for slapping the Queen's bottom.

15. FINANCE BAILOUT Treasurer Duck catches Kevin and Julia stealing from the Surplus to bail out the
finance industry. It's the first time he's seen Julia wear stockings...and they're over her face.

16. DESPERATE OBAMAS Presidential candidate Bees-wax Obama is worried that some opinion polls
suggest he will lose the race to the White House. Obama thinks that perhaps he should wear more bling.

17. LUNCH MEETING In the Kim Beazley Commemorative Dining Room, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzz-
ard are confronted by Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull and his answer to the global financial crisis.

18. MAAAATE MAGAZINE OCT 08 Hey blokes! Check out this month's Maaaate Magazine! Get the
latest from alpha males Andrew Symonds, Robert Mugabe, Billy McPig and Sarah Palin.

19. SUSWARE HOUSING Hey renters! Hey aspirational homeowners! Think buying your own home is
out of reach? Susware has the answer! With a ringing endorsement from ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto.

20. KEVIN MAN Treasurer Wayne Duck is due to marry his Surplus next Saturday but oh oh, half his
Surplus is missing. The big spender, Kevin Krudd, shows Wayne his latest tool to fight the financial crisis.

21. GRAVE ROBBERS In 1858 a funeral took place in a cold, foggy cemetery in Romania. The poor
man's death was so strange that not even grave robbers would go near the grave. Until now. Scary huh?

22. MAL'S FIRESIDE CHAT Flopposition messiah Malcolm Talkbull, in a fireside chat from his Point
Piper mansion, Derivative Towers, tells us what he is doing to save us from the financial crisis.

23. GEORGE'S FOOTPRINT Having learned all about global warming from Presidential hopeful Senator
John McWayne, President George W Gump explains the danger of "climax change" to First Lady Laura.

24. CUP JOCKEYS A Melbourne Cup preview. Get all the inside information on the runners from the
country's three leading jockeys, Troy Steroid, Jack Caffeine and George Eveready.

SEPTEMBER 2008
RELEASE DATE: 30 SEPTEMBER 2008
Cactus 4241- 4262 September 1-30, 2008
TRACK LIST

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2. SWAYING SENATORS Kevin Krudd, Julia Buzzard and Penny Ping Pong attempt a politically incorrect
mission to win over Family First Senator Steve Breeding, independent Senator Nick Zero-fun and others.

3. COMMITTEES While Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson is formulating policy, Emperor Kevin
Krudd is setting up more committees, so many that Julia Buzzard can't find enough people to sit on them.

4. INTEREST RATE CUT An interest rate cut is in the wind. But will the Big Four Banks pass on the cut
to struggling mortgage payers? Bank spokeseman Count Nosferatu Hoover-Leech has the answer.

5. RATE CUT OPINION Cactus Report host Kerry O'Pinion invites Treasurer Wayne Duck and Shadow
Treasurer Malcolm Talkbull to discuss the interest rate cut. They drive Kerry to drink, literally.

6. FATHERS DAY GIFTS Hey kids of all ages! Want to make sure you get Dad the perfect gift for
Fathers Day?! Then you should try Susware dot com! Fathers Day presents for all occasions!

7. LORD PETER The Messiah, Peter Costello, is being wined and dined by his Liberal colleagues (Tony
Abbott, Judas Turnbull, etc) in the hope that he will stay in politics rather than ascend into business heaven.

8. OBAMA v McWAYNE US Presidential hopeful Senator John McWayne reveals why he chose a
female running mate, while Babbling Obama repeats his vision that "...all dreams should be created equal".

9. PLACIDO DUCKMINGO Treasurer Wayne Duck is astounded that a Labor government could have a
Surplus and falling interest rates. But Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzz-ard want to take the credit.

10. CNN 11.9.08 Sandra Sultry has news on petrol prices, Channel 9 job cuts, Shane Warne's latest
exploits and marine science, while Big Dazza Beefsteak looks at counselling for Rugby League players.

11. OSAMA TONIGHT Live from the Big Cave Studio on the Krapistan/Bersekistan border, it's The Late
Show with Osama bin Letterman! And now ... heeeeeeeeere's Osama!!

12. FAMILY FIRST The Senate has blocked Kevin Krudd's new tax on luxury bath towels, prompting
Krudd and Julia Buzz-ard to seek the support of Family First Party Senator Steve Breeding...again.

13. PETER'S BOOK Legendary 60 Minutes journo Peter Hardnose is at the launch of ex-Treasurer Peter
Costcutto's long-awaited autobiography. He is surprised by the appearance of ex-PM John Hobbitt.

14. WOMEN'S GLOSSY - Sept 08 All the goss on Governor General Quentin Bryce, super model
mother Erica Baxter, Labor bad girl Belinda Neal, and more! Plus! Over 703 new pictures of Cate Blanchett!

15. MAL'S YACHT Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull has invited his colleagues to lunch. Nothing
unusual about that, except that it's aboard Mal's yacht, the NASDAQ Princess, on the Italian Riveira.

16. GEORGE IN ISRAELIA President George Gump and Laura visit the Middle East to continue the
peace talks. George thinks the peace process needs "...a little sesitivoli and understandingment".

17. MOOSE EATING Sarah Palin's transformation of John McCain's presidential prospects inspires
Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull to make his deputy Jewellery Bishop more like Sarah.

18. COSTCUTTO & MOIRA Ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto is out to sell his autobiography on the Home
Shopping Channel. The host Moira is amazed to find out what a Treasurer really does.

19. PENSIONS Kevin Krudd is told that pensioners are complaining about their lousy $273 per week. He
decides that he and Julia Buzz-ard will prove that the amount is adequate by living on it for a whole day.

20. FUNNIEST HOME POLLIES If you thought the video of the nun with her ear caught in a rabbit trap
was funny, you'll love this next clip of the NSW Cabinet Ministers trying to fix the State's finances.

21. BREACH of PROMISE From the Cactus Library of Recorded History...Judge Moody tries a strange
case. Treasurer Peter Costcutto is suing his boss John Hobbit, claiming he promised to give him his job.

22. KENNY of AUSTRIA President George W Gump is at his ridiculous best when Kevin Krudd arrives
to return George's APEC gift Drizabone which was left at Kirribilli House. Laura is as patient as ever.

23. LODGE ARRIVAL Kevin Krudd and wife Therese receive unexpected visitor s at The Lodge in
Carntberra. It is Flopposition Leader Malcolm Talkbull, his wife Lucy and their dogs, Rio and Tinto.

©2008 Triffique Productions Pty Ltd. All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

AUGUST 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 AUGUST 2008
Cactus 4220- 4240 August 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

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2. SAVING WATER Tips on saving water from the Honourable Malcolm Talkbull. Everything from water-
saving showerheads to which type of chardonnay should be used to flush the toilet.

3. COSTCUTTO LEAVES Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson, Jewellery Bishop and Malcolm
Talkbull confront ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto about his leadership ambitions. It's bribe time.

4. BEANPOLE OBAMA Presidential hopeful Beanpole Obama and wife Michelle receive an
unexpected visit from the Republican runner, Senator John McWayne, a Civil War hero.

5. KRUDDY OFF AGAIN Emperor Kevin Krudd announces his intention to go to China for the Olympics,
leaving Julia Buzzard in charge...again. The already overworked Julia is less than impressed.

6. BRANT PICK & TODD SHOVEL A Cactus flashback to May 2006. Re-live the time when rescued
Beaconsfield miners Brant and Todd flew to America to be interviewed by talkshow queen, Diane Sincere.

7. BEIJING ATHLETES Sandra Sultry and Big Dazza Beefsteak are at the Olympic Stadium in Beijing.
At last it's time for Dazza's truly amazing description of the Opening Ceremony.

8. SUNRISE in BEIJING Mel and Kochie interview Kevin Krudd and President George Gump who were
both at the Olympic opening ceremony. Although, as usual, George is not sure where he is.

9. TEAM OSAMA Peter Hardnose, 60 Minutes veteran, travels to the Krapistan/ Berserkistan border to
ask Osama bin Liner if he has anything planned for the Olympic Games. The news is not good.

10. CNN 13.8.08 Sandra Suntry has news about Qantas Airlines and ex-Treasurer Pete Costcutto's return
to politics, while Richard Girlyman talks to Paul Hogan. Dazza has news on security at the Olympics.

11. TIGER BRENDAN Flopposition Deputy Leader Jewellery Bishop is so worried about her docile pet
tiger Brendan that she takes him to see the brilliant celebrity vet, Doctor Harry.

12. SYLVESTER & ARNIE Two veteran Hollywood actors, Arnie and Sly, meet at the gym. Are they
planning more movies? Or will Arnie talk Sly into joining him in politics?

13. OLYMPIC NELSON Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson is dreaming of the success than seems to
elude him. He dreams he is at the Olympics in Beijing winning gold, gold gold!! Yeah, right.

14. ATHLETICUS OLYMPIATUS Naturalist David Kittenburger introduces us to the most extraordinary
creature in the animal kingdom, the Athleticus Olympiatus or Olympic Sporter. Isn't nature wonderful!

15. FIREMEN & NURSES Kevin Krudd, worn out by months of hard work, accuses his Cabinet of
treachery. Who is after his job? Julia Buzzard, Mutton Ferguson, Wayne Duck or Penny Ping-Pong?

16. TALKBULL ADDRESS The Honourable Malcolm Talkbull, Member for Networth, tells us why he
should be the PM instead of that Kevin Rum or Rust or Root or whatever his name is.

17. GOODBYE BEIJING Sunrise hosts Mel and Kochie report from the Beijing Olympics on Closing
Ceremony day. They just waffle on really, much the same as any other day.

18. FUTURE of SPORT Cabinet discusses ways to improve our chances at the next Olympics. Kevin
Krudd hears ideas from Julia Buzz-ard, Treasurer Wayne Duck, Mutton Ferguson and Peter Gargoyle.

19. CNN 26.8.08 Sandra Sultry has news about Treasurer Wayne Duck, Qantas and President George
Gump. Richard Girlyman talks to Nicole Kidman, while Dazza praises the Chinese for their Olympic effort.

20. GET SHORTY II A must-see movie that tells the true story of political jealousy and ambition. Starring
Eric Bana as Peter Costcutto, Danny de Vito as PM John Hobbitt, and Geoffrey Rush as Janette Hobbitt.

21. PARLIAMENT AGAIN The Flopposition bags Kevin Krudd's Grocery Watch. Julia Buzz-ard
suggests that the Flopposition could use Grocery Watch to find a cheaper lemon to replace Patsy Nelson.

22. SUSWARE OLYMPIC TIX Hey sport nuts! Buy London Olympics tickets now from Susware's
official online store, www.sustix.caymenislands. This offer is genuine, just ask us. Thanks, Susware!

All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

JULY 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 JULY 2008
Cactus 4197- 4219 July 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

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2. TAX CUT DAY It's July the 1st, and tax cuts are in the air! Hooray! Emperor Kevin Krudd and his
Treasurer Wayne Duck distribute the tax cuts from the back of the Commonwealth ute.

3. COSTCUTTO'S BOOK While Liberal Leader Dr Patsy Nelson discusses his success with Jewellery
Bishop and Malcolm Talkbull , ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto is tapping out his vitriolic autobiography.

4. WINE TASTING This bloke Dave tells the girl behind the bar the story of his trip to the wineries. He
discovered that at most wineries they let visitors taste a bit free. It was a deliberately long day for Dave.

5. UNDEPENDENCE DAY President George W Gump flies to Austria (?) to be with Kevin Krudd and
Therese on July 1, American Independence Day. But shouldn't he be celebrating at home?

6. DUCK IN PERIL (1) Treasurer Wayne Duck is attacked by two fiesty old people, Mrs Violet Crumble
and Mr Earl Grey. They want a better deal for pensioners, or else they'll...they'll...no, it's gone.

7. DUCK IN PERIL (2) Violet Crumble and Earl Grey are holding Treasurer Wayne Duck to ransom.
Mr Big (Kevin Krudd) promises to review pension payments in "due season". Yeah, right.

8. LIBERAL WILDERNESS Naturalist David Kittenburger travels to the outback to follow a flock of Silver
Tailed Boobies, alias the Opposition. Will they fly again? Will they survive? Does anyone care?

9. POPE, JULIA & KEVIN Pope Benedict calls Kevin Krudd to check on security arrangements for
his trip to Sydney for World Youth Day. Julia Buzzard is at her charming best.

10. NEW HAT The success of Apple's iPhone has inspired the company to greater heights, the iHat. This
new, cutting-edge product is truly the perfect product for the modern techno-sexual.

11. POPE AT KIRRIBILLI The Krudd's host a lunch for Pope Benedict. While Kevin summons up the
courage to ask a special favour, Therese Krudd teaches the Pope the local skill of prawn peeling.

12. POPE FISHING Pope Benedict the 16th is on annual leave at a secret hideaway called Kirribilli. He is
enjoying a spot of fishing with Kevin and Therese until Malcolm Talkbull arrives in his big cruiser.

13. GEORGE'S NEW JOB The Presidency of George W Gump will soon end. George, always the
opportunist, flies to Cactus Island to offer himself as the new leader of the ailing Liberal Party.

14. POPE INTERVIEW Ray Martin, the SBS presenter for the World Youth Day programs, interviews
Pope Benedict. The Pontiff's secret hopes and dreams are exposed in all their shocking glory.

15. THE BLACK WIGGLE The Wiggles latest album introduces a new member of the team..a Wiggle in
a black skivvy. Stay asleep Jeff, it's time for the kids to have some real fun.

16. THIS IS YOUR POPE At the World Youth Day closing Mass, The Holy Father is surprised by Mike
Mundane from This Is Your Life. Pope Benedict's life will surprise you.

17. LABOR SUCCESSION Julia Buzz-ard confronts Kevin Krudd over her succession to the leadership.
But Treasurer Wayne Duck also wants the top job. So which of the firm commitments are core promises?

18. THIS MONTH'S MAAAATE Hey blokes! Check out this month's Maaaate Magazine! Get the latest
from alpha males Warwick Capper, Sylvester Stallone, Osama bin Naughty. Plus! Bikini chick max-out!

19. MAL'S SKI LODGE The Liberals have been invited to spend the weekend at Malcolm Talkbull's ski
lodge on Mount Yuppiosko. Mal puts on an unbelievably slap-up meal as they discuss working families.

20. POPE BLESSINGS Ray Martin takes us back to the day that Pope Benedict blessed the unfortunate
among us. The afflicrted include Julia Buzzard, Shane Warne and of course The Democrats.

21. KRUDD'S SKYLIGHT Treasurer Wayne Duck and Julia Buzzard are on hand when Emperor Kevin
the Green instals a skylight so he can run solar-powered office equipment.

22. ZIMBABWE ECONOMY President Bobby Mugabe and his wife M'Grace learn that Zimbabwe's
inflation rate is now 2.5 million percent, making their new trillion-dollar note worthless.

23. LIBERAL CARBON POLICY Dr Patsy Nelson and his Shadow Cabinet have a plan for their own
carbon emissions trading scheme, with input from Jewellery Bishop, Malcolm Talkbull and Bile Heffernan.

24. OLYMPIC PREVIEW Sandra Sultry and Big Dazza Beefsteak present a special Olympic Games
Preview from Beijing, China. Dazza has a few suggestions on how to improve our chances of gold.

©2008 Triffique Productions P/L. NOT FOR BROADCAST All rights reserved.
All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

JUNE 2008
RELEASE DATE: 30 JUNE 2008
Cactus 4176- 4196 June 1-30, 2008
TRACK LIST

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2. PRICE of PETROL Sandra Sultry presents an in-depth report on petrol pricing, gouging the truth from
Emperor Kevin Krudd, Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson and Green Party Senator Bob Pink.

3. COMPUTERS Kevin Krudd and his deputy Julia Buzzard visit Fyshwick Discounts to purchase the
classroom computers promised at the election. Shadow Treasurer Malcolm Talkbull interrupts.

4. GEORGE'S CURTAIN Long-suffering Laura can only look on as another painful bungle puts President
George Dubya Gump in hospital. The guy in the next bed is a very familiar looking arab.

5. ALCO-POPS Dr Patsy Nelson explains to young people the benefits of voting for the Liberal Party.
For example, the Libs would not tax alco-pop drinks so that kids can binge drink at a fair price.

6. ACTING PM AGAIN Deputy PM Julia Buzzard is informed by Kevin Krudd that she will soon be
Acting PM again while he is in Japan. Frazzled Julia begs to go with him to get away from it all.

7. JAPAN VISIT Emperor Kevin and Empress Therese arrive in Japan for talks on trade with PM Fukuda.
When the ugly subject of whale slaughter comes up, Kevin is strangely uncritical.

8. FONZIE NELSON (1) Sandra Sultry discovers the new tough Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson.
Mounting his motor cycle and donning his leather jacket, he rides roughshod over Kevin Krudd in Parliament.

9. FONZIE NELSON (2) Sandra Sultry follows Dr Patsy Nelson as he flexes his new-found muscles and
attacks Acting PM Julia Buzzard. Unfortunately for Dr Patsy, the fiesty redhead fights back.

10. BODY PARTS WAREHOUSE Need extra income? Simply sell your spare body bits at Susware
Body Parts Warehouse, just likeVincent Van Gogh, Heather Mills, Michael Jackson and many more!

11. JULIA STOPS On his way to Indonesia, Kevin Krudd receives a call from Mutton Ferguson who is
concerned about the collapse of Acting PM Julia Buzzard. Is it overwork or is she malingering?

12. JAPAN MOVIE Kevin Krudd shows his home movie of his trip to Japan in Parliament. After his official
meetings, Kevin is off to the Sumo Wrestling. Kevin interested in wrestling? What's going on?

13. OBAMA SITCOM It's the world's newest sitcom! Future US President Barking Obama starring in...I
Have A Dream! Obama and his wife Michelle receive a visit from ex-President Bill Climax.

14. LIB-NAT MERGER National Party Leader Warren Trudge gathers his thinktank together to discuss the
Liberal Party's idea for a merger. Dr Patsy Nelson and Jewellery Bishop explain the benefits.

15. CNN 19.6.08 Sandra Sultry has stories about petrol prices and ex-Treasurer Costcutto's new job,
Richard Girlyman has goss on the Sex And The City Movie, and Big Dazza explains the Tour de France.

16. IRON MAN If you only see one movie this year, make it Iron Man. Starring Kevin Krudd as the
half human, half machine slave driver and co-starring Julia Buzz-ard as the flame-haired bludger.

17. BELINDA HEEL Julia Buzzard confronts Kevin Krudd about the Labor Party's latest embarrassment,
Belinda Heel. Meanwhile, Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson and his crew are rejoicing over Labor's misfortune.

18. WORLD YOUTH DAY RACE Sports commentator Big Dazza Beefsteak previews the appearance
of Pope Benedict at Randwick Racecourse for World Youth Day. Starter on his stand...

19. TURKEY KURDS President George Gump gets a call from his Secretary of State, Condoleeza Ice
who is in Turkey to sort out the conflict with the Kurds. George is at his startling best.

20. ANGER MANAGEMENT Television psychologist Dr Phil talks about his anger management classes
with Belinda Heel, ex-Labor Leader Mark Mayhem and Democrat Senator Andrew Barfly.

21. THE FLYING EMU With fuel prices soaring, Susware Airlines, the Flying Emu, imposes many cost-
saving measures, like taxiing all the way to its destinations, charging for lifejackets and...oh no, not that.

22. DEMOCRATS SALE Home Shopping queen Moira Gush is excited to introduce the Democrats
Closing Down Sale. Senator Andrew Barfly explains all the items of Democrats memoralbilia on offer.

Click on the album cover (left) for track list. Some tracks may have been previously released.
©2008 Triffique Productions P/L. NOT FOR BROADCAST All rights reserved.
All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

MAY 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 May 2008
Cactus 4154- 4175 May 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. THE NEXT PRESIDENT President George Gump and First Lady Laura receive a visit from aspiring
Presidents, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton and John McWayne, all checking out the Oval Office.

3. NEALE THE SHARK Naturalist David Kittenburger tells the wonderful story of scientists tracking a
Great White Shark called Neale. The Great White Shark's final destination provides a great white shock.

4. LOGGY AWARDS The Loggies are Logies for politicians. Who will win the Beige Loggy for Least
Interesting Politician? Who will win the Gold Loggy Dipped In Chocolate? Gosh, exciting isn't it?

5. SURPLUS BINDI While Treasurer Wayne Duck is losing the Surplus, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard
are working on a plan to make the idea of becomming a Republic irresistible to voters.

6. NATURE STICK Hey girls! Tired of spending your life making yourself beautiful? Fed up with waxing
your bits? Sick of sweating at the gym? Well guess what? Susware has the answ...Oh you did guess.

7. JOHNNY the SPEAKER Ex-PM John W Hobbit is the guest speaker at a Liberal Party fundraising
dinner. He outlines his achievements in government, including his most important, meeting Steve Waugh.

8. GIRL PRESIDENT George W Gump has heard that Democrat Hilary Clinton may succeed him as
President. First Lady Laura suggests the Republicans should put a woman up against her. Like who?

9. WORLD MOTHERS Peter Scoop Hormones investigates Mothers Day around the world. He reveals
the gifts received by Katie Holmes, Barbara Bush, the Queen and the wives of Osama bin Liner.

10. KEVIN HOOD BUDGET (1) Treasurer Wayne Duck is about to deliver a Budget which will take from
the rich and give to the poor, assisted by Julia (Maid not-Marryin') Buzzard and the minstral Alan a-Garrett.

11. KEVIN HOOD BUDGET (2) Treasurer Wayne Duck brings down his Budget, to the displeasure
of Shadow Treasurer Malcolm Talkbull. But strangely, Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson is pleased.

12. CNN 15.5.08 Sandra Sultry with news on Lib. Leader Dr Nelson and Pope Benedict's visit, Richard
Girlyman has news on Heather Mills while Big Dazza has a suprising story on Mark Scud Philipoussis.

13. KOCHIE & DEMOCRATS Mel and Kochie, hosts of Where Are They Now? discover that the
Democrats Party actually still exists and that they living in their leader's 1988 Corolla.

14. SELL THAT BUDGET Home Shopping host Moira Gush talks to the manager of Budget
Warehouse, Treasurer Duck, and asks some tough questions about his new improved Labor Budget.

15. CNN 20.5.08 Sandra Sultry with news on the Pope, Prince William, Shane Warne and Mac Bank,
while Richard Girlyman chats with Heather Mills, and Dazza Beefsteak reports on the cricket in India.

16. GRUMPY OLD LIBERALS Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson, his deputy Jewellery Bishop,
Shadow Treasurer Mal Talkbull and ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto have a bitch about the Labor Budget.

17. AMANDA RETURNS Kevin Krudd gets a surprise visit from ex-Minister for Immigration, Amanda
Vanshape, now Ambassador to Italy. At last Kruddy learns the secret behind the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

18. FOOD GROUPS Celebrity chef Ian Parmesan shows us some amazing recipes made from 5 food
groups - vegetables, grains, fruit, meat and diary products. Then again, he might just grab some KFC.

19. SIX MONTHS IN POWER Emperor Kevin and his Cabinet are celebrating their first six months in
power. The Labor Party's Living Treasure, God Whitlam, arrives to present Kevin with an amazing gift.

20. FLOPPOSITION LEAK Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson is concerned about a leak from his
Shadow Cabinet. Was it Ian McGravel? Joe Wobbly? Only Mal Turnbully has the answer.

21. INSPECTOR REX Tonight on SBS, the latest episode of Inspector Rex. Our German canine
detective battles an evil band of foreigners intent on harming Rex himself! Schnell Rex!

22. ATTACK THE RICH Kevin Hood and his merry men, Treasurer Friar Duck and Juila Maid-not-Marryin'
Buzzard, decide to attack Turnbull Castle and rob from the rich to help poor peasant working families.

23. WHERE'S JOHNNY NOW? Kochie and Mel find out what ex-President John Hobbit is doing
in retirement. They discover that Johnny is using all his usual qualities in his new job.

©2008 Triffique Productions P/L. All rights reserved.
NOTE: Some tracks may have been previously broadcast and/or released.
All material contained in this download is subject to copyright. Unauthorised public performance, broadcasting, hiring, re-selling, lending or copying of this material is prohibited. This material may not be broadcast on radio or any other medium. All rights reserved.

APRIL 2008
RELEASE DATE: 30 April 2008
Cactus 4132- 4153 April 1-30, 2008
TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. SUSWARE HOME HOSPITAL Hey sick people! Scared of our pathetic hospital system? Then you
need Susware's amazing new Home Hospital. Surgery at home in the privacy of your own laundry.

3. KRUDDS & BUSHES It's time for Kevin Krudd and Therese to say goodbye to President George
Gump and First Lady Laura. George pleads with Krudd to leave his troops in Iraqistan.

4. ACTING KING Julia Buzzard is in charge while King Kevin is overseas. Treasurer Wayne Duck seeks
her advice as does Flopposition Leader Dr Nelson and Tony 'People Skills' Abbott.

5. CNN 4.4.08 Sandra Sultry with news stories on Treasurer Wayne Duck's dope smoking, Bob Brown
recycling AWA's, Dr Nelson's leadership, Queen Bessie's new book and Ben Cousins' new career.

6. KRUDD at DOWNING STREET King Kevin visits Britsh PM, Gordon McBrown. They are interrupted
by a call from Julia Buzzard who is worried about Environment Minister Peter Gargoyle's latest stuff-up.

7. BUCKINGHUGE VISIT Kevin Krudd visits Buckinghuge Palace, seeking help to fight inflation back
home. The plan involves a job for Charles and Camilla, which upsets Queen Bessie and Prince Philip.

8. CACTUS FOOTY SHOW Big Dazza Beefsteak's guests on the Footy Show include Brendan Cesspit
and Wayne Sphincter, as well as professional cheer squad leader Cheryl Goer, er, Gower.

9. KRUDD'S CHINA VISIT King Kevin the Absent visits China for trade talks with Premier Yum Bow
Wow. Naturally Kevin speaks Chinese and raises the question of human rights in Tibet. Maybe.

10. MAXINE THE MOVIE From Cactus Film Studios, the smash hit of the millenium. Maxine McKew, the
Butcher of Bennelong. Starring Angelina Jolie as Maxine and Brad Pitt as Kevin Krudd. Rated RS.

11. LAST DAY IN CHINA Kevin Krudd and wife Therese tour the Beijing Olympic Games site with
Chinese Premier Yum Bow Wow who is worried about attack from the Tibetan terrorist Osama bin Lama.

12. SALUTE TO LOVE From the Cactus Library of True Romance comes another bodice-ripping story of
love and passion. George receives a salute from his new love, much to the disgust of his ex-lover.

13. SUSWARE CHEWACISE Hey weight sufferers! Worried about your size? Well worry no more,
Susware can help you lose and amazing amount! And not just through liposuction on your credit card.

14. INFLATION CURE Treasurer Wayne Duck is excited. He visits Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard to
presents a list of new measures to cure inflation. His ideas to stop people spending are, well, unbelievable.

15. FUTURE SUMMIT Ace reporter Peter Hardnose hears great ideas from a few wildcard entries to
the 20/20 Future Summit - Pauline Hatful, Russell Crowe, Anthony Mundine, Bini Irwin and John Howard.

16. SUMMIT IDEAS Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard examine the many ideas from the 20/20 Future
Summit, gems of wisdom from Cate Blanchett, Tim Fischer and James Packer, as well as Kevin and Julia.

17. OBAMA SPEECH US Presidential hopeful Barack Obama announces that he has a new
speechwriter, John Cleese. Obama's speech captures his hopes and dreams in true Cleese style.

18. ARNIE & SLY Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone present their radio talkback show, Ask
The Action Heroes. They give advice to callers, in this case an aspiring mercenary soldier.

19. GORDON RAMSAY & LIBS Foul-mouthed Mr Fixit chef, Gordon Ramsay, moves on from
restaurants to a new challenge. His job is to change the fortunes of a failing political party, the Liberals.

20. MISSING THE DAWN SERVICE It's Anzac Day, a day for the Dawn Service and the traditional
family barbecue. It's also a day to ask if ANZAC stands for All New Zealanders Attend Centrelink.

21. NELSON & SHRINK Dr Patsy Nelson is so drepessed by his performance as Flopposition Leader
that he visits a psychiatrist. Fortunately the shrink is able to cure Patsy immediately with a magic pill.

22. INFLATION MONSTER (1) Treasurer Wayne Duck finds the Inflation Monster in his secret budgeting
dungeon. Marxine McCuecard is unimpressed, while Kevin Krudd wants to realease the monster.

23. INFLATION MONSTER (2) Kevin Krudd takes the big fat Inflation Monster for a walk in the park.
They meet a powerwalker, John Hobbit, the monster's first daddy. Are they still like father and son?

MARCH 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 March 2008
Cactus 4111- 4131 March 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. LIBERAL FLOAT Dr Patsy Nelson tries to out-do Kevin Krudd's sensitive image by entering a float in
the Gay Mardi Gras. Others on the float include Jewellery Bishop, Bronwyn, Alex and Wilson Cackey.

3. COUNTRY CABINET Kevin Krudd takes his colleagues, including Julia Buzzard, Simon Bean and
Penny Wong, to the bush for a Cabinet meeting. Is it really just to get away from Peter Garrett?

4. FIDEL & FRIENDS The retiring dictator of Cuba, Fidel Castro, hears from his old friends in the Kooky
Leaders Club, Mahmoud of Iran and M'Bobby Mugabe of Zimbabwe. And from soneone unexpected.

5. DUCK SURPLUS Novice Treasurer Wayne Duck seeks advice from the very experienced ex-
Treasurer, Peter Costcutto, who is still drowning his sorrows over never becoming PM.

6. SUSWARE MORTGAGE PLUS Hey mortgage sufferers! Worried about rising interest rates? Worry
no more! Susware Mortgage Plus is here! With a honeymoon rate that will blow your socks off!

7. DEFENCE EQUIPMENT Commander-In-Chief of the Cactus Island Armed Forces, General Krudd,
discovers deficiencies in our military equipment. Luckily, Brian Burke is ready to help.

8. LIBS BAG JOHNNY The ABC's Four Corners program interviews ex-ministers Peter Costcutto, Alex
Bummer and Joe Turkey about attempts to induce John Hobbit to resign before the 2007 election.

9. QUEEN & POPE Queen Bessie of Buckinghuge Palace and Prince Philipoussis receive a surprise
visit from Pope Benedict who seeks information about Cactus Island before he visits for World Youth Day.

10. KENNY of AUSTRIA Pres. George W Gump is at his ridiculous best when Kevin Krudd arrives to
return George's APEC gift Drizabone which was left at Kirribilli House. Laura is as patient as ever.

11. DR PHIL & DR NELSON Television psychologist Dr Phil tries to help Dr Patsy Nelson who is being
bullied by his workmates. Dr Phil confronts the bullies, Malcolm Talkbull and Tony 'People Skills' Abbott.

12. RAZOR GANG Treasurer Wayne Duck's razor gang on an expenditure cutting spree. He reports to a
surprised King Kevin that the citizens only want one thing cut, and it has nothing to do with money.

13. WAGGING PARLIAMENT Alex Bummer, Mark Fail and Wilson Cackey are called to Mr Speaker's
office to explain their truancy. Truancy proves painful for the boys, but probably of benefit to Parliament.

14. PARMESAN PIE Super cook Ian Parmesan introduces foreign tourists to the delights of our national
dish, the meat pie. Learn what's in it, how to eat it and how to survive.

15. KRUDD'S TRIP King Kevin asks his deputy Julia Buzz-ard to hold the fort while he goes on and
important world trip. First stop, the USA. Could there be a strip club involved?

16. FOOTY MATCH Cricket commentators Richie Cocoa and Tony Dreg are to spend the winter calling
football matches. Richie discovers that football players make cricketers look like saints.

17. DEPUTY PM BRIEF King Kevin briefs Deputy Julia on running the country while he is away. They
are interrupted by several calls from Pres. George Gump who looks forward to having someone to talk to.

18. CNN 25.3.08 Sandra Sultry presents stories on the Pope's visit, and Bob Pink's protest against
kangaroo culling, as well as Entertainment News from Richard Girlyman and Sport from Dazza Beefsteak.

19. TOOL SCHOOL Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson undertakes some professional development
at the Academy of Truly Outstanding Ornery Leaders. Malcolm Talkbull finds it quite an experience too.

20. MOTHER NATURE The 7.30 Report host, Kerry O'Pinion, interviews a very special woman. It's the
mother of us all - and we don't mean Pauline Hanson. Ex-PM John Hobbit plays a painful cameo role.

21. GEORGE IN SPACE President George W Gump comes up with a plan to fix America's economic
problems. George's plan relies on "space shuttlecock technology". Laura and Kevin Krudd are fascinated.

22. MR KRUDD GOES TO WASHINGTON Presi. George Gump hosts a surprise party for his special
guests, Kevin Krudd and wife Therese. They meet George's possible successor John McWayne.

FEBRUARY 2008
RELEASE DATE: 29 February 2008
Cactus 4090- 4110 February 1-29, 2008
TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. PLASTIC SURGERY The world's best plastic surgeon, Dr Rodeo Wilshire, has a mystery patient, a
Mr Osama bin McKenzie. Why does he want plastic surgery and who does he want to look like?

3. LIBERAL IDEAS Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson seeks fresh ideas from his Liberal Party
colleagues. Deputy Leader Jewellery Bishop has a brilliant idea, brilliant because, well, it's the only one.

4. CNN 5.2.08 Sandra Sultry with news about the Pope and Japanese whale science, while John Michael
Starsniffer has news on Angelina Jolie and Big Dazza reveals Kevin Krudd's secret views on cricket.

5. CHINESE CELEBRATIONS (1) King Kevin Krudd and his Climate Change Penny Ping-Pong
prepare to schmooze visiting Chinese manufacturers at the Chinese New Year Celebrations.

6. CHINESE CELEBRATIONS (2) Kevin and Penny wow visiting Chinese business leaders with the
help of ex-Foreign Minister and internationally famous cabaret performer, Alex Bubbles Bummer.

7. SUSWARE FATAWAY Hey parents! Been reading about the obesity epidemic sweeping our
children? Well read no more! Susware has the answer! Don't delay! Stay tuned now to learn more!

8. SORRY IDEA Flopposition Leader Dr Patsy Nelson plans to trump King Kevin the Cofessor's apology
to the aborigines, but doesn't count on his rival Malcolm Turnbully's boomerang.

9. THE ZEBRA Naturalist David Attenborough studies the strange creatures called Cricketers and their
"monkey" taunts. Also features Richie, Tony and an amazing performance from Ricky Ponting.

10. APOLOGY DAY With the help of Julia Buzzard, a nervous Kevin Krudd prepares to say sorry for the
stolen generation of aborigines. President George W Gump interrupts with monumental idiocy.

11. VALENTINE'S DAY For young lovers everywhere...Hartley Moistgusset has the story of Saint
Valentine himself. Learn how young Valentine Flynn began the romantic tradition and became a dead saint.

12. AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY King Kevin Krudd recounts his amazingly romantic Valentine's Day
dinner with his one true love. Even if it was at a restaurant called Hooters where he enjoyed the view.

13. KRUDD v TALKBULL Flopposition Leader-in-Waiting, Malcolm Talkbull, takes on King Kevin in
Parliament over interest rates and shows why he's considered to have the hide of an elephant.

14. LIBERAL EXORCIST Liberal Party Leader Dr Patsy Nelson announces his plan to get the Party
back on its feet. Bronwyn and Abbott want to know why it involves ex-PM John Hobbit and an exorcist.

15. UNDERBELLY Tonight on Channel 9, the smash hit, thumbs up, big ticks, mega bustblocking, most
thrillingest crime series of the last 3 milleniums. Underbelly! As you've never seen it before.

16. BRAIN SUMMIT King Kevin holds auditions for people wanting to take part in his future vision
summit. Hopefuls include Dr Karl Crucial-vowel-missing, Tonia Todman, Pauline Hatful and Russell Crowe.

17. JAPANESE SCIENCE And now on SBS Television, direct from Tokyo, it's Professor Yakimoto's
Amazing Science Hour! The show will surprise and delight you, even if it does not impress whales.

18. SORRY JOHNNY In the Grey Gums Retirement Resort, former Prime Ministers Whitlam, Fraser,
Hawke and Keating confront the new boy, John Hobbit about his non-attendance at Sorry Day.

19. 80th ANNUAL CACKIES Sandra Sultry hosts the Cackies, the Oscars for Politicians. Who will win
the Cackie for Best Acting, Malcolm Talkbull, Jackie Kelly, Treasurer Wayne Duck or Dr Patsy Nelson?

20. SUSWARE UNIONISM Hey workers! Want to be a unionist but don't know how? Susware has the
answer! Features: the Susware announcers and Ozzy Osbourne, among others.

21. POLITICAL CO-OPERATION In the spirit of bipartisan co-operation, King Kevin and Julia Buzzard
join with the Flopposition Leadership team, Dr Patsy Nelson and Jewellery Bishop, to help the aborigines.

22. FEBRUARY 29th True Romance narrator Hartley Moistgusset brings us stories of February 29th
proposals by girls such as Katie Holmes, Queen Elizabeth, Therese Krudd and Elizabeth Taylor.

JANUARY 2008
RELEASE DATE: 31 January 2008
Cactus 4067-4089 January 1-31, 2008
TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. SUSWARE RINGTONES Hey mobile phone fans! Want a new celebrity ringtone? Try the new
Susware range! Arnie! The Pope! Princess Mary! Shane Warne! Princess Diana and many more!

3. SUPERMARKET COMMENTARY Cricket commentators Richie and Tony visit a supermarket where
a trolley with a silly short forward square wheel causes the game to get rough.

4. DEPUTY BUZZARD 7.30 Report host, Kerry O'Pinion, interviews the new Deputy Prime Minister, Julia
Buzzard. He learns that her favourite hair colour is Clairol Beetroot Sunrise and much too much more.

5. THE QUEEN'S TABLE A look back at The Johnny Years reveals the story of John Hobbit's private
dinner with Queen Bessie of Buckinghuge Palace and his quest to join her at the other end of the table.

6. LABOR XMAS PARTY Emperor Kevin gives Chrissie gifts to Cabinet members Julia Buzzard, Penny
Ping-Pong, Peter Gargoyle, Marxine McCuecard and Treasurer Wayne Duck. But what do they get Kevin?

7. PAULINE, THE MOVIE If you only see one movie this year, make it Pauline Hatful, Untamed,
Unashamed and Unforeign. Starring the brilliant Geoffrey Rush as the beautiful flame-haired goose, Pauline.

8. JOHNNY THE GREENIE Another look back at The Johnny Years. John Hobbit decides that
environmental issues can attract votes and goes without a shower to prove his green credentials.

9. GEORGE & KRUDD ON IRAQ A bad day for President George. Kevin Krudd revealls his intention to
withdraw troops from Iraq, and George gets out of bed on the wrong side and is wearing Laura's slippers.

10. GENGHIS & SHEIKS Morning Comment with Genghis Porkbun. This morning an interview with
2 Muslim sheiks who have made disparaging remarks about our womenfolk. Genghis puts them straight (?).

11. KRUDDY QUEEN JULES When Kevin Krudd & Julia Buzzard visit Buckinghuge Palace to announce
that the Queen Bessie has been boned in favour of a Republic, Prince Philippoussis saves the day.

12. HOLIDAY PANTO Hello kiddies, today's pantomime is called The Brave Doctor and the Nasty Rich
Wolf. Brave Dr Brendan wants to save the Liberal Party but who is that behind him?

13. WHERE'S HAROLD NOW? Kochie and Mel go in search of ex-PM Harold Holt who disappeared
while swimming in 1967. And they find him! Thanks to Woy Woy's finest medium, The Great Ken.

14. KRUDD CODE OF CONDUCT Emperor Kevin insists that his Cabinet members all conform to his
Ministerial Code of Conduct. Does that mean no drunkeness or visits to strip clubs?

15. DEPRESSING SPORT Big Darrell Beefsteak is deeply disturbed by the spread of drug use in the
manly science of football. Dazza re-lives the good old days when all a young footballer had was booze.

16. THE YEAR AHEAD Sandra Sultry's review of the political year ahead. She interviews PM Julia
Buzzard (what?), Flopposition Leader Patsy Nelson, Peter Gargoyle and Treasurer Wayne Duck.

17. MUMBAI EFFIGY SHOP A customer returns a defective effigy of umpire Steve Bucknor to the
Mumbai Effigy Shop because it would not burn. Will he get his money back or swap it for a different effigy?

18. COUNTRY KRUDD The Labor leadership team, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard, visit the Tamworth
Country Music Festival. Kevin astounds the crowd with his bush poetry and knowledge of Chinese.

19. GEORGE IN ISRAELIA President Gump and Laura visit the Middle East to continue the peace talks.
George thinks the peace process needs "...a little sesitivoli and understandingment".

20. CRICKET LOVER KEV Richie and Tony are joined in the commentary box by our latest cricket-
loving PM, Kevin Krudd, who reveals some amazing information about Andrew Symonds.

21. CACTUS DAY BARBIE King Kevin hosts a Cactus Day barbecue with Julia Buzzard and Treasurer
Wayne Duck. All goes well until a displaced refugee Democrat turns up to beg for food.

22. STATE of the UNION President George W Gump gives his annual Sate of the Union address and
outlines the problems of the world without noticing the problems with his tongue.

23. WOMEN'S GLOSSY - Jan 08 We go one-on-one with Our Nicole and Maria Sharapova. We
reveal Kevin Krudd's favourite recipes and we get advice from cleaning guru Shannon Lush. Out now!

24. COUCH MONEY Julia Buzzard finds 3 billion dollars down the back of Johnny Hobbit's old couch.
The way that King Kevin decides to spend the windfall disturbs Julia and Treasurer Wayne Duck.

DECEMBER 2007
RELEASE DATE: 31 December 2007
Cactus 4046-4066 December 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. KRUDD CORONATION The new eader of Cactus Island, Emperor Kevin the First of the Me Too
dynasty, is crowned in a ceremony at Yaralumla. Naturally Empress Therese is by his side.

3. BUZZARD & PETE Deputy Prime Minister Julia Buzzard finds ex-Treasurer Peter Costcutto in the bar
at Parliament House. Just how tired and emotional can a deposed prime ministerial contender get?

4. KIRRIBILLI SEIGE It's time for ex-President John Hobbit and First Lady Janette to leave their
harbourside mansion, but one of them doesn't want to go. Enter the police negotiator.

5. PM in TRAINING Cactus Island's new leader, Kevin Krudd, announces his intention to attend the UN
conference on climate change in Bali and leave his deputy, Julia Buzzard, in charge.

6. GOD LAWS Radio guru God Laws is retiring, but in his last show on air he still proves himself to be the
super salesman he has always been, flogging his God Laws' Book of Urban Dreamtime Legends.

7. DR JEKYLL & MR NELSON (1) Part one of the terrifying tale of Dr Brendan Jekyll's transformation
from country doctor to leader of the Liberal Party. Curse those secret laboratory experiments.

8. DR JEKYLL & MR NELSON (2) We continue the terrifying tale of Dr Brendan Jekyll's transformation
from country doctor to leader of the Liberal Party, via his brief membership of the Labor Party.

9. OFFICE TOUR Emperor Kevin the 1st of the Me Too dynasty does the rounds to check his staff,
including Treasurer Wayne Duck, Marxine McCuecard, Penny Wong and the very busy Julia Buzzard.

10. JOHNNY REVISITED From the Cactus Library of Recorded History, details of ex-President John
Hobbit's secret pre-election meeting with his Cabinet. President George Gump has his say too.

11. LOSER/WINNER Ex-President John Hobbit, still distraught at his election loss, receives attention from
Alex, Costcutto and Janette. Meanwhile Kevin Krudd is accosted by journalist Glennfidich Milne.

12. SUSWARE XMAS Hey Christians! Already spent all your Christmas money on mortgages, petrol
and pokies? Don't worry! Let Susware give you the happiest Christmas you've had all year!

13. COYOTE PROCTOLOGY Kevin Krudd and Mother Therese are interrupted by a call from President
George Gump who is disturbed that Krudd has ratified the Coyote Prototype, er, Kyoto Protocol.

14. PRESIDENT HILLARY The news in the year 2012, including a secret peek into the life of US
President Hillary Clinton at work and play in the White House. Ex-President Bill provides a few tips.

15. JOHNNY'S BIOGRAPHY In response to allegations by Peter Costcutto, ex-President John Hobbit
responds with his own allegations in a new book. Janette tries to patch things up between John & Pete.

16. BILE HEFFERNAN The hard man of politics, Bile Heffernan, is harassed over his comments about
deliberately barren women. Features: Bile Heffernan, Helen Clark, Condoleeza Ice, the Pope.

17. JOHNNY CHRIST A look back at The Johnny Years when John Hobbit played the role of Jesus in
a nativity play - his a gift to the nation. Also starring was Bronwyn Bigjobs as the Virgin Mary.

18. SUSWARE HOLIDAYS Hey Mum! Hey Dad! Kids floen the nest? Are you missing those fun family
holidays? You need the Susware Happy Holiday CD! 100 great tracks, 100 great holiday memories!

19. NOT QUITE CRICKET Cricket commentators Richie and Tony examine the new edict by the Cricket
Board, politically correct behaviour at cricket matches. Should it be Third Man or Third Person?

20. OPINION POLL HONEYMOON Another look back at The Johnny Years. While John Hobbit is
struggling politically, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard are acting like honeymooners. Oo la la.

21. BRAINIEST PETS Your Quizmistress Sandra Sultry hosts a new show, The Nation's Brainiest
Celebrity Pets. Just how much does Bob Brown's pet whale, Moonbeam, know?

22. GEORGE & KRUDDY US President George Dubya Gump receives a visit from Kevin Krudd who
has replaced George's man of steel, John Hobbit. Julia Buzzard is less than helpful in their discussions.

NOVEMBER 2007
RELEASE DATE: 30 November 2007
Cactus 4024-4045 November 1-30, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. SONGS OF THE BODY New from Dolphin Sould Records, another magnificent album of beautiful
atmospheric ambience by the genius Kevin Ethereal. Perhaps his best work since Flight Of The Whales.

3. HARDNOSE UPDATE Peter Hardnose, investigative reporter for the Nine Network, is determined to
get straight answers on worpkplace policy from campaigning politicians, Julia Buzzard and Joe Turkey.

4. OPERATION RABBIT Bad polls persuade President John Hobbit to deploy the armed forces to
encourage the voters to see things his way. Also features Janette, Alex, Bile Heffernan, Peter Costcutto.

5. VOTERS HANDICAP It's Cactus Cup day, and the runners in the Voters Handicap include John
Hobbit, Kevin Krudd, Julia Buzzard, Bob Pink, Pauline Hasbeen and Hungry Joe Turkey.

6. KRUDD GETS HELP Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard get help to win the election from Labor ex-
leaders Paul Bearer, Bobby Hawke and God Whitlam. Julia shows her very warm affection for Whitlam.

7. UNION MOVIE The new spine-chilling blockbuster, The Unions! Stars Anthony Hopkins at his people-
eating best, George Clooney as union slayer John Hobbit and the 3 Stooges, Peter, Alex and Joe.

8. NUCLEAR TALKBULL The Hon. Malcolm Talkbull, explains the enormous benefits of nuclear power,
as opposed to solar power, geo-thermal power, wind power, flower power and Brand Power.

9. CAMPAIGN GAFFS Kevin Krudd carpets his Environment Spokesman Peter Gargoyle over an
election campaign gaff, while John Hobbit does the same to Health Minister Tony Abscess.

10. COSTCUTTO v COSTCUTTO Sandra Sultry hosts a debate between Treasurer Peter Costcutto
and his arch enemy and brother, Tim the Baptist Costcutto. The debate worm and brothely love are absent

11. CELEBRITY VOTERS Ace reporter Peter Hardnose asks various celebrities how they will vote.
Surprising replies from Lara Bingo, Cate Blanchett, Shane Warne, Therese Krudd and Janette Hobbit.

12. SUSWARE HOUSING Hey renters! Hey aspirational homeowners! Do you think buying your own
home is out of reach? Susware has the answer! With a ringing endorsement from Treasurer Peter Costcutto.

13. GREEN BUZZARD In the Labor Party's campaign headquarters, the Lucky Golden Happy Fun
Dragon Restaurant, Kevin Krudd reveals his plan to secure Green Party preferences from Bob Brown.

14. ME TOOISM On the campaign trail, President John Hobbit is stalked by Kevin Krudd, from shopping
mall to shopping mall , even to the men's room...and beyond. First Lady Janette is as helpful as ever.

15. JOHNNY'S INNINGS Cricket commentators Richie Cocoa and Tony Dreg discuss John Hobbit's
innings which has lasted almost 12 years so far. Witness all of Johnny's positive strokes.

16. ELECTION SONGS New from Susware! (Almost) Songs for Swinging Voters! Favourite political
ditties from John Hobbit, Treasurer Costcutto, Pauline Hatful, Kevin Krudd, Bob Brown and not many more.

17. BENNELONG WALKING On a rare powerwalk in his own electorate, John Hobbit meets his Labor
opponent, former ABC journalist Maxine McCuecard. Does ABC really mean Another Bloody Commie?

18. ELECTION EVE Kevin Krudd prays for victory in St Chifley's Church of the True Believers while
President John Hobbit is confronted by First Lady Janette who is angry that he might lose.

19. POLLING DAY John Hobbit and Labor Leader Kevin Krudd are handing out how-to-vote cards in their
respective electorates, but neither could possible guess that the election will have a surprise winner.

20. LABOR WIN Kevin Krudd has led the Labor Party to victory and the celebrations begin. A victory
singalong is led by the two great voices of the left, Julia Buzzard and Peter Gargoyle.

21. KING KEVIN Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard, back at work after their amazing election win, take
congratulatory phone calls from Pres. George Gump, Queen Bessie and someone very important.

22. GREY GUMS RESORT With John Hobbit's retirement not far off, Janette Hobbit takes him to assess
a retirement home which is also the home of ex-PM's Hawke, Fraser, Keating and Whitlam.

23. SUSWARE SCHOOLIES Hey schoolies! Finished your exams and want to let your hair down?! You
need the new Susware Schoolies Week Fun Pack! Outsmart your oldies and go wild!

OCTOBER 2007
RELEASE DATE: 31 October 2007
Cactus 4001-4023 October 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. S.A.D. COMMITTEE (1) After many failed attempts to smear Opposition Leader Kevin Krudd, Pres.
John Hobbit brings in a US expert called Maxwell. Also features Alexander Bummer and Bile Heffernan.

3. S.A.D. COMMITTEE (2) Pres. John Hobbit's new recruit, Agent 86 Maxwell House, sets out to
discredit Opposition Leader Kevin Krudd. Alexander Bummer as the helpful Agent 99 cuts a fine figure.

4. DAZZA & CASEY Cactus National News sports guru Big Darrell Beefsteak catches up for a chat with
our motor cycling sensation Casey Stoner, a man who goes so fast he's called the Weekend on Wheels.

5. MARY, HAMLET & KRUDD Copenhagen, Denmark! Fairytale capital of the world! Where our own
Princess Appleseed and Crown Prince Hamlet receive a surprise visit from Labor Leader Kevin Krudd.

6. GEORGE & CONDI President George Dubya Gump summons his Secretary of State Condoleeza to
check on progress of the war "...over there in the Middle Earth." Condi and Laura try patiently to explain.

7. CNN 8.10.07 Sandra Sultry with the news on Tony Abbott's evidence to the Diana Inquiry, Japanese
moon rockets, Matt Shirvington getting horse flu, government advertising and Dazza with the sport.

8. I'M HOME KEVIN! Preferred Prime Minister Kevin Krudd and his partner Therese share the news of the
day, including the latest government smear campaign and why Therese has bird poo on her Bently.

9. ANTIQUE ROADSHOW Which today comes from the grounds of Windsor Castle. The owner, Queen
Bessie, fronts up with a mysterious colonial antique - a small, bald item in a green and gold covering.

10. BRAINIEST MIGRANTS Sandra Sultry hosts The World's Brainiest Migrants. The contestants, Bilal,
Ching Lee and Sanjay must answer questions from the government's Citizenship Test Booklet.

11. MUSLIM KNOW-HOW After the Pres. of Iran says that there are no gays in his country, our own Pres.
John Hobbit decides to adopt some bits of Muslim culture to win the election. Also features Bile Heffernan.

12. KRUDDY POLICY SPEECH John Hobbit has called the election. When Labor Leader Kevin
Krudd rehearses his big policy speech , Julia Buzzard is critical of his green and gold tracksuit.

13. DIANA INQUIRY (1) The wisest woman of all time, Judge Cranky, presides over the Diana and Dodi
car crash inquiry. Hear evidence from Queen Bessie, Prince Phil and Dodi's dad. So where's Elton John?

14. DIANA INQUIRY (2) Judge Cranky continues hearing evidence. When Health Minister Tony Abscess
turns up with evidence that Kevin Krudd caused the car crash, Her Honour decides she's heard enough.

15. PULP MILL PANEL Sandra Sultry hears opinions on the controversial pulp mill from Environment
Minister Talkbull, Shadow Minister Peter Gargoyle, the Green Party's Bob Pink and Pauline Hatful.

16. SUCKERWARE I.R. TV shopping channel guru Moira Gush introduces the Managing Director of
Suckerware Unlimited, John Hobbit, with his great new product, new improved Industrial Relations!

17. DEBATE CHALLENGE Kevin Krudd challenges President John W Hobbit to a series of debates
to be run by Ray Martin or Kerry O'Brien or Lara Bingle. (What?) John Hobbit also checks his super.

18. MINOR PARTIES The leaders of the Greens and the Democrats, Bob Pink and Lyn Someone, get
together with Pauline Hatful to figure out how their Parties can get more attention. How about a tv ad?

19. SLEAZY JOHN John Hobbit decides to emulate Kevin Krudd and improve his popularity by admiting
he's been to a strip club. Also features Janette Hobbit and The 7.30 Report's Kerry O'Pinion.

20. SUSWARE MASKING MAGIC Hey sportsmen! Hey sportswomen! Tired of missing out on gold
medals? Mask your performance enhancing drug with Susware Masking Magic! And win!

21. KRUDD THE LODGER On a rare visit to the Lodge in Cantberra, President John Hobbit discovers
a squatter, Preferred PM Kevin Krudd. Johnny longs for the return of that sucker Kim Beazley.

22. SECOND DEBATE Labor Leader Kevin Krudd lines up Ray Martin to host a second election debate,
angering John Hobbit. Also features Treasurer Costcutto and worm-loving Greens Leader Bob Brown.

23. JOHNNY PHONE CALL A voter , Mrs Bowles, gets a recorded message phone call from President
John W Hobbit who is keen to refute accusations of negative election campaigning.

24. KRUDD PHONE CALL A voter, Mrs Bowles, gets a recorded message phone call from Labor
Leader Kevin Krudd who is keen to refute accusations that he does everything that John Hobbit does.

SEPTEMBER 2007
RELEASE DATE: 28 September 2007
Cactus 3981-4000 September 1-30, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. GEORGE, RUPERT & RUSTY
On the eve of his visit to Cactus Island, President George W Gump calls his friends to find out what it's like
Downunder. He's been there before but for George asking about it is easier than remembering.

3. THE WAR OF LOVE
From the Cactus Library of True Romance, Haaartley Moistgusset brings us another bodice-ripping tale about
separated lovers who are re-united at an APEC conference. Now who could they be?

4. APEC COCKTAILS
President John W Hobbit holds a cocktail party to welcome international delegates to the APEC
Conference. Unfortunately Foreign Affairs Minceter Alex Bummer decides to provide some entertainment.

5. MORE APEC COCKTAILS
President John Hobbit's cocktail party continues. The bored delegates seek the help of
Opposition Leader Kevin Krudd to find better entertainment. Is that stripper music we hear?

6. HARDNOSE AT APEC
Investigative journalist Peter Hardnose gets past security at the APEC conference to bring us the inside
story on international negotiations. Like delegates negotiating to have their pictures taken with a koala.

7. GOODBYE LOVE
From the Cactus Library of True Romance, Haaartley Moistgusset continues his bodice-ripping story of
separated lovers who are re-united at an APEC conference. Could this be goodbye forever?

8. CODRAL CUP
The devastating equine influenza (horse flu to you) has forced a few drastic changes to the racing calendar.
Just how do jockeys cope with a race without horses? And will John Hobbit save the racing industry?

9. GEORGE MEETS KRUDD
Exactly what was discussed at the meeting between Opposition Leader Kevin Krudd and President
George W Gump? And why is Julia Buzzard wearing a wet Kevin-o7 t-shirt?

10. LABOR TAKEOVER
When Julia Buzzard, the Honourable Member for Clairol, directs a question to President John Hobbit in
Parliament, she gets a reply that destroys the Labor Party's chance of winning the election.

11. FOOTBALLERS
The world's most famous naturalist David Kittenburger introduces us to Cactus Islands most fascinating
creature, the Footballus Poopforbrainses. Hear them guzzle, swallow and snort various substances.

12. TERRORIST COMEDIANS
The $400million security plan for the APEC summit had flushed out an evil cell of funnymentalist comedians
called Al Chaser. President Hobbit proudly lists his other victories against the scourge of comedy.

13. SUBMARINE MEETING
John Hobbit holds a secret meeting in a WW2 Japanese midget submarine to decide when to hold the
election. Also features Bronwyn Bigjobs, Treasurer Costcutto, Alex Bummer and Wilson Cackey.

14. CNN 19.9.07
The latest news with Sandra Sultry. Stories include Bob Brown-Rice at Pavarotti's funeral, Kevin Krudd
copying Johnny, Nicole Kidman's cosmetic surgery and Dazza Beefsteak solves the horse flu mystery.

15. WHERE'S PAUL NOW?
Kochie and Mel find ex-Prime Minister Paul Bearer . The self-confessed Placido Domingo of Treasurers is
giving President John Hobbit an earful about his economic performance.

16. KRUDDY BIRTHDAY
Preferred Prime Minister Kevin Krudd informs Parliament that today is his 50th birthday. The Liberal Party
dips into the Surplus for a suitable birthday gift for Kruddy, a Strippergram.

17. POLITICAL TEMPTATION
The quiz show Temptation has three very hopeful contestants - John Hobbit, carry-over champion for 11
years, and challengers Kevin Krudd and Peter Costcutto. Will quiz master Ed Phallus find a winner?

18. JOHN BRADMAN
Cricket commentators Richie Cocoa and Tony Dreg ponder the assertion by Cabinet Minister Joe Hoggy
that Pres. John Hobbit is the Don Bradman of politics. What do The Don and The John have in common?

19. JANETTE & THERESE
First Lady Janette Hobbit visits Preferred Prime Minister Kevin Krudd's wife Therese to ask a very special
favour. Could she be worried that the election result will mean the end of living in Kirribilli House? Yep.

20. POPE RALPH
Hey blokes! Check this out! In this month's Ralph Magazine we've got chicks chicks chicks! Plus! Russell
Crowe and his 2-bedroom jetski! Plus! Pope Benedict the 16th! Big Benny, Vatican wild man! Sort of.

21. WHAT CRASH?
A paid political announcement, written and spoken by President John Hobbit. Johnny suggests that in the
jungle of economics, Treasurer Peter Costcutto is the elephant - big and strong in a cheap grey suit.

AUGUST 2007
RELEASE DATE: 31 August 2007
Cactus 3958-3980 August 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST
1. Copyright

2. CNN 1.8.07
Sandra Sultry with news on John Hobbit and George W Gump, John Michael Starsniffer with the latest on
tax diddler Glenn Wheatley, and Big Dazza Beefsteak with the latest on the Tour de France.

3. Doctor Tampa
Judge Judy wants to release a doctor with a missing SIM card, but John Hobbit has other ideas. He has
secret proof that Doctor Tampa has been throwing his patients overboard. Several surprise guests.

4. Abbott & Costello
Treasurer Pilfer Costello and Jughead Abbott discuss the failing fortunes of the government and the need
for a new leader. If you've ever seen an Abbott and Costello movie, this could've been it.

5. New Osama Tape
John Hobbit is disappointed when a suspicious foreign doctor leaves the country without being identified as
a terrorist. At a surprise press conference, Johnny reveals a new threat to security.

6. Kochie & Democrats
Kochie and Mel's latest Where Are They Now? subjects are The Democrats, Lynn Somebody, Andrew
Muddle, Andrew Barfly and Natasha Hubba-Hubba. Kochie finds out their plans for the future, if any.

7. Boy Who Cried Wolf
The classic fairystory of a little shepherd boy who had a bit of fun with his flock by yelling "Wolf!" But what
could this possibly have to do with President John W Hobbit?

8. New Hat
We live in a fast moving world, and this new super millennium needs a new hat. But not just any hat. This is
cutting edge hatwear for the modern time-poor techno-sexual. This commercial will make you want one.

9. Costcutto Capers
The eternal battle for control between President John Hobbit and Treasurer Peter Costcutto becomes a
little cartoonish when Johnny tells Janette..."I taught I taw a Tweasuwer"

10. Save That Hospital (1) A In the tradition of General Hospital, All Saints and RPA comes the medical
drama to beat them all...Marginal Seat Hospital. Will the brilliant Doctor Johnny Hobbit save the day?

11. Save That Hospital (2) The trouble continues at Marginal Seat Hospital. Doctor Johnny Hobbit vows
to fix the problems which of course have nothing to do with his election campaign.

12. APEC Attack Deep in his secret cave in the remote hills on the border of Krapistan and Berserkistan,
Al Qaeda CEO Osama bin Liner plans to blow up the APEC Conference with the help of Alex Bummer.

13. Parliamentary Prayer Preferred PM Kevin Krudd is called upon to recite the morning prayer in
Parliament, but calls upon God to bung a bolt of lightning through John Hobbit's noggin. What will God do?

14. GST On The Slab In the dungeon of Kirribilli Castle, the evil genius Dr Frankenjohnny performs a
dastardly operation on his favourite monster, the GST. And on his other monster, Treasurer Costcutto.

15. Kevin 07 "The name is Kevin, Kevin 07, licenced to win". Flopposition Leader Kevin Krudd begins to
take his own campaign slogan too seriously. Using a Sean Connery accent he goes after Oldfinger.

16. CNN 21.8.07 Sandra Sultry with surprise stories from Defence Minister Brengun Nelson, Foreign
Affairs Minceter Alex Bummer, John Michael Starsniffer in Hollywood and Big Dazza Beefsteak with sport.

17. Zee-PEC President George W Gump is off to the APEC Conference to see but his Downunder
Deputy, President John W Hobbit, who is unsure about George's value to his campaign for re-election..

18. Engineers It's Science Week in Cantberra, and the most fascinating of all branches of science is of
course Engineering. This brief history will make you think differently about Engineers...and avoid them.

19. Ides of August Johnny Caesar ignores a soothsayer's warning to "Beware the ides of August" and
continues on his way to the Senate where Brutus Costellus is waiting with his co-conspirators.

20. Krudd on the Couch Cactus Island's most eminent psychiatrist treats Flopposition Leader Kevin
Krudd for memory loss following his exploits in a New York strip club. The truth comes out.

21. YouTube President John Hobbit follows the lead of American politicians by adding a campaign song
to his YouTube website. Communications Minister Helen Clueless is given the task of making it happen.

22. YouTube Too So naturally, Flopposition Leader Kevin Krudd follows suit. He gives his deputy Julia
Buzzard the task of putting his campaign song on his YouTube website. Look out Kylie Minogue.

23. Elvis Alive Peter "Scoop" Hormones discovers that Elvis Presley is still alive. Or is it just another Elvis
impersonator pulling a swifty? Hell no baby, this the real thing.

24. Waltzing Matilda John Hobbit calls President Gump to confirm that he's is still coming Downunder to
visit. The conversation becomes an explanation of Waltzing Matilda, leaving George slightly confused.

JULY 2007

RELEASE DATE: 31 July 2007

Cactus 3936-3957 July 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. POLITICAL DRUGS
Sandra Sultry investigates suggestions that politicians should be drugs tested. Features: Sandra Sultry, Bile
Heffernan, Attorney Gen. Philip Shylock, Joe Hackneyed, John Hobbit.

3. JOHNNY'S NEW HOBBY
John Hobbit's new interest in the welfare of aborigines surprises a few people. Features: President John
Hobbit, First Lady Janette Hobbit, Kevin Krudd, Julia Buzzard.

4. HOT GOSS HOT SPOT
John Michael Starsniffer with the latest entertainment news. Features: John Michael Starsniffer, Eddie
Murphy, Mark Philipoussis, Greg Norman, Jamie Packer, among others.

5. KRUDDS AT SILLYBILLY
Kevin Krudd and his wife Mother Therese try to move into Sillybilly House. Features: John Hobbit, janette
Hobbit, Kevin Krudd, Mother Therese.

6. TENNIS BRATS
Naturalist David Kittenburger examines the loudmouthed court brat, and discovers why they grow up to be
the deeply disturbed little animals they are.

7. JOHNNY'S INVASION
President George summons John Hobbit for urgent talks about Johnny's sudden invasion of the Northern
Territory. Features: George Gump, Laura Gump, John Hobbit.

8. SUSWARE UNIONISM
Want to be a unionist but don't know how? Susware has the answer! Features: the Susware voices, Ozzy
Osbourne, among others.

9. WHO HAS THE HALO?
Kevin Krudd's halo is missing, while helping aborigines is making John Hobbit look good. Features: Kevin
Krudd, Julia Buzzard, John Hobbit, Treasurer Peter Costcutto, Alex Bummer, Bile Heffernan.

10. MORE DIANA TAPES
Cash Cow CD's latest release - Volume Two of the Princess Tapes. We don't know why we got so many
complaints about this episode.

11. AMANDA'S FAREWELL
Amanda Vanshape is off to become Ambassador to Italy. The guests at her farewell party include Alex
Bummer, Kim Beazley, Julia Buzzard and John Hobbit.

12. EXPLODIOMYELITIS
John Hobbit calls a press conference to warn of exploding foreign doctors and to announce improvements
to his anti-terrorist fridge magnets. Features: Johnny and journalists.

13. JUDY JUDGES DOCTORS
Britain's terrorist doctors go trial before Judge Cranky. Features: Judge Cranky, Bailiff Murphy, British Prime
Minister Boredom Brown, Indian Doctors.

14. KRUDDY & BONZA
Kevin Krudd visits Labor ex-Leader, Bonza Hawke to borrow his legendary charisma.. Features: Kevin
Krudd, Julia Buzzard, Bonza Hawke and his wife Bleach.

15. GREEN PREFERENCES
Why has Senator Bob Pink been invited to dine at Kirribilli Mansion? Well, it is an election year. Features:
Bob Pink, John Hobbit, Janette Hobbit.

16. ABC ADVERTISING
The year is 2010 AD. Our present politicians advertise their new careers on the ABC. Features: John
Hobbit, Alex Bummer, Phil Ruddock, Bill Heffernan, Helen Coonan, among others.

17. LABOR'S NEW POLICY
Shadow Cabinet meets in a Chinese restaurant with saggy dumplings to discuss terrorism . Features: Kevin
Krudd, Julia Buzzard, Mutton Ferguson, and Environment Spokesman Peter Gargoyle.

18. NELSON ON THE RACK
The Defence Minister is in big trouble over his big mouth and his mistakes. Features: Defence Minister Dr
Brengun Nelson, John Hobbit and Janette Hobbit.

19. LAWS RETIREMENT
Radio selling machine God Laws is about to retire. Why not join him in the Grey Gums Retirement Resort.

20. WORKCHOICE COMMERCIALS
A couple of new Big Business Alliance television ads in support of the new workplace laws. Features: the
Pope, Barry and Betty Bunny, among others.

21. HERE COMES GEORGE

With APEC approaching, President George Dubya Gump is about to visit Downunder, making President
John Dubya Hobbit very excited. Features: George Gump, Laura Gump and John Hobbit.

22. Johnny's Biography
In response to allegations by Treasurer Peter Costcutto, President John Hobbit responds with a few
allegations of his own in a new book. First Lady Janette tries to patch things up between John & Pete.

23. Labor on the Beach
Cactus Labor Leader Kevin Krudd and his comrades enjoy a day at the beach. Environment spokesman
Peter Gargoyle entertains them with a song. Also features Julia Buzzard and Mutton Ferguson.

JUNE 2007

RELEASE DATE: 30 June 2007

Cactus 3915-3935 June 1-30, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. BUSH WARNING
Newsflash! Here's President George W Gump with news about the latest tape from Osama bin Laden. It's
never what George says, it's the way he says it.

3. CABINET WOMEN
Johnny's plan for more women in Cabinet is not as straightforward as it sounds. Features: Pres John Dubya
Hobbit, Alex Bummer, Jughead Abbott, Helen Coon, Christopher Pine-0-cleen, Treas. Peter Costcutto.

4. WHERE'S HICKS NOW?
Kochie and Mel find David Hicks at the Yatala Correctional Facility for the Politically Inconvenient. Will he talk?
You bet.

5. MORE MAAAATE MAGAZINE
The magazine for real men attends the funeral of that international man of vodka, Boris Yeltsin. Featuring:
David Hasselhoff, Bill Heffernan and chicks chicks chicks!

6. KIRRIBILLI CAPERS
Kevin Krudd visits Kirribilli House with his wife Mother Therese. In fact they try to move their furniture in.
Features: John Hobbit, Janette Hobbit, Kevin, Therese, L.J. Hooker.

7. HELLO, JOHN?
Talkback guru God Laws takes a call from someone called Osama. Just another lonely listener. Will John
send him/her out a bucket from Buckets Galore? Keep the dream alive.

8. APEC IS COMING
John Hobbit prepares for a visit from George. That is, measuring George for his official APEC costume.
Features: President George Dubya Gump, First Lady Hilary Gump, President John Dubya Hobbit.

9. BUZZARD & PETE
Julia Buzzard talks with a tired and emotional Treasurer Costcutto about leadership ambitions. It probably
won't end well for anyone.

10. WORKCHOICE CHANGES
The Captains of Industry challenge John Hobbit on workplace laws. Features: Sir Dorkly Richmongrel, Dr
Cynthia Snotbag, Chairman Turdley.

11. FOOTY NAME CALLING
Judge Cranky tries abusive footballers. Features: Judge Cranky, Bailiff Murphy, Mr Wally Dullard, Mr Billy
"Mad-Dog Bad-Mother" McPig.

12. CONAN THE GOVERNOR
John Hobbit seeks help from Governor Arnie to win the election. One picture with Arnie could make the
world of difference. Maybe.

13. JOHNNY, KRUDD & PETROL
A powerwalking John Hobbit is waylaid by people concerned about petrol prices. Then Kevin Krudd
appears to add to his discomfort. Bad day really.

14. PARIS MOVIE
The movie of Paris Hilton in prison. With a cameo appearance by Russell Crowe. And as if that's not
enough, Paris finds God! Don't wait for the DVD, hear it now!

15. KRUDDY HALO
Cactus Island's future First Lady, Mother Therese, tries to clean husband Kevin Krudd's tarnished halo in the
bath. Features: Kevin & Therese plus a sudden appearance by...well, your imagination may implode.

16. CNN 21.6.07
Sandra Sultry with the news, including Paris Hilton's brush with pineapple. Robyn Moore really enjoyed
playing Paris in this. Also features: Bob Brown, George Bush, John Michael Starsniffer, Darrell Beefsteak.

17. SUSWARE ANSWER MAGICIAN
Hey foreigners! Migrate to Cactus Island the Susware way! But wait I hear you ask! Does John Hobbit get
to quiz potential immigrants? Yes! Yes! Yes!

18. LIBERAL FUNDRAISING
Peter Hardnose dons a disguise to investigate allegations that taxpayer-funded Sillybilly House has been
used for Liberal Party functions. Features: Peter Hardnose, John Hobbit, Janette Hobbit.

19. WORLD IN TURMOIL
CNN reporter Nigel Blackpudding presents a global news roundup. Features: international nonentities and
George Bush. So what's it all got to do with Paris Hilton anyway?

20. HONEYMOON OVER
The end of the opinion poll honeymoon for Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard? And why is Kevin kissing
another politician? Features: Kevin Krudd, Julia buzzard and a mystery third party.

21. WRESTLING THUGS
Tag team event between unions an d big business. Features: Big Dazza Beefsteak, Sharan Burrow, Dean
Mighell, and the Masked Big Business Bosses.

22. HALF-LIFE JOHNNY
The Liberals discuss their alternative energy policy in their own unique way. Features: John Hobbit,
Amanda Vanshape, Alex Bummer, Treasurer Peter Costcutto, Bronwyn Bigwig.

MAY 2007

RELEASE DATE: 31 May 2007

Cactus 3892-3914 May 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. CLIMATE CHANGE PANEL
Sandra Sultry convenes a panel of global warming experts, including Dr Karl Crucial, Pauline Hatful, Kevin
Krudd and John Hobbit. Surprisingly, Pauline's views are the most fascinating.

3. BUSH LAWS
Radio sales king God Laws talks to President George W Gump. Like all talkback stars, God Laws has the
answer to everything, including the Iraq situation.

4. PORK BARREL
An election year budget for Treasurer Peter Costcutto, so carving up the Surplus is underway. Features:
Treasurer Pete Costcutto, Babe the Pig, John Hobbit, Amanda Vanshape, several refugees.

5. ALEX WARNINGS
Foreign Affairs Minister Alexander Bummer issues his latest travel warnings. We should also warn you
about Alex's selections of background music s.

6. CNN 7.5.07
Sandra Sultry's news includes President George Gump's solution to campus massacres. Features: Sandra
Sultry, Kevin Krudd, John Michael Starsniffer, George W Gump, Prince, Dazza Beefsteak, Glenn McGrath.

7. BUDGET DESCRIPTION
Richie and Tony call descriptions of play in the Federal Budget from Parliament Grouse, Cantberra.
Features: Richie Cocoa, Tony Gripe, Treasurer Peter Costcutto, Mr Speaker

8. KRUDD'S BUDGET REPLY
Kevin Krudd delivers his budget reply on Kerri-Anne's show. A real star turn duet from Kevin Krudd and
Kerry-Anne Crinkly.

9. PRAY FOR RAIN
President John W Hobbit converses with God, against the better judgement of First Lady Janette Hobbit.

10. SUSWARE MOTHERS DAY
The perfect Mothers Day gift for all occasions! The range of Susware Mothers Day gifts will astound you!
But wait I hear you ask! Any perfume, like Essence of Kamahl? Of course there is!

11. MERRY BUDGET
In any election year, Christmas comes early for the voters. Featuring Treasurer Peter Costcutto as Santa
Claus and John Hobbit as his desperate little elf.

12. BILE HEFFERNAN
The hard man of politics, Bile Heffernan, is harassed over his comments about deliberately barren women.
Features: Bile Heffernan, Helen Clark, Condoleeza Ice, the Pope.

13. SUSWARE WALKING
Learn the latest petrol-saving craze, walking! Featuring: Mr and Miss Susware, Amanda Vanshape, Neil
Armstrong, John Hobbit.

14. CHILD ADOPTIONS
John Michael Starsniffer investigates Hollywood child adoptions. Features: John Michael Starsniffer,
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Julia Buzzard, Kevin Krudd.

15. CNN 18.5.07
Sandra Sultry with the shock news that John Hobbit is in favour of union power. Also featuring: Pauline
Hatful, finance expert Robert Goldhelpus, Big Dazza Beefsteak.

16. MURRAY-DARLING SOLUTION
Water Minister Malcolm Talkbull has the answer to the water shortage. He may look like a square but he
thinks outside it. Features: John Hobbit, Kevin Krudd, Mr Speaker, Malcolm Talkbull.

17. DAZZA ON ZIMBABWE
Big Darrell Beefsteak and Alex Bummer go toe to toe on the banned cricket tour of Zimbabwe. Just like
sport and politics, they don't mix.

18. THIS IS YOUR AMANDA
Mike Mundane from Channel 9 surprises Amanda Vanshape and presents the story of her life. Amanda
confronts her interesting past..

19. ZIMBABWE CRICKET SITCOM
More hilarious fun at Robert Mugabe's place. He and his wife M'Barbara prove they are naturals when it
comes to situation comedy. And Channel 9's Eddie Magpie agrees.

20. BLOKE'S BIZ
The Downunder version of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy does a makeover on John Hobbit. Features:
makeover specialists Alan, Molly and Bob, as well as John Hobbit and Janette.

21. ADVERTISING FUTURE FUND
Introducing Johnny's new government ad campaign, as created by his ad agency Porsche Bullswool Nose-
candy & Partners. And Lara Bingle is in it. Get one today!

22. PAULINE PROFILE
Kerry O'Pinion from the 7.30 Report interviews Senate hopeful, Pauline Hatful. Learn what Pauline
considers to be her one great success in life, apart from bonking David Oldfield.

23. EXTENDED HONEYMOON
With the opinion polls still positive, Kevin Krudd and Julia Buzzard plan their future together in the Lodge,
including the pitter-patter of tiny... Feel free to be sick.

24. GRANDPA JOHNNY
President John W Hobbit learns from First Lady Janette that he is about to become a grandfather - just
before the election! And of course, Treasurer Peter Costcutto is on hand to foot the bill.

APRIL 2007

RELEASE DATE: 30 April 2007

Cactus 3871-3891 Apr 1-30, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. COSTCUTTO IN PARLIAMENT
Treasurer Peter Costcutto performs his shrieking smirk act in Parliament, a truly brilliant performance. We
have Kevin Krudd to blame for mentioning the Treasurer's sacred Future Fund in the first place.

3. CNN 3.4.07
Sandra Sultry with the news, John Michael Starsniffer interviews Sylvester Stallone, and sports presenter
Big Darrell Beefsteak somehow gets to mention Maria Sharapova in a bikini.

4. JOHNNY & PAUL BEARER
Ex-president Paul Bearer is surprised by a visit from John Hobbit. In a changing world, John Hobbit needs
advice on how to handle being unpopular. He's certainly come to the right man.

5. DEPRESSING SPORT
Big Darrell Beefsteak is on his soapbox for a rant about drugs in sport, the most depressing subject on the
sporting kaleidoscope. "Drugs have no place in sport, except if you need a Panadol for a crushed sternum".

6. KING OF THE WORKERS
A Good Friday picnic is the Last Supper for Kevin Krudd, the one they call the Saviour and the King of the
Workers. Features: Kevin Krudd, Julia Buzzard, Bile Heffernan, Johnny Herrod and a bag of kittens.

7. BABY BONUS
Hey parents! Don't know what to do with all that money the Government gave you for having kids? Spend
your windfall at the Baby Bonus Supercentre! But wait I hear you ask! Is this a Susware idea? You bet.

8. HILLS HOIST OPERATOR
First Lady Janette has trouble with her domestic staff at Sillybilly House. It's up to big tough President
John W Hobbit to deal with the new Hills Hoist Operator who doesn't know his place.

9. GLOBAL WARMING GREATS
If you only buy one CD this year, this should be it! Green Party Senator Bob Brown's album of Global
Warming Greats! Sing along to songs of doom and despair as the planet dies! Fun for the whole family!

10. LAWS & BADMOUD
Radio guru God Laws takes a call from the President of Iran, Mr Badmoud, who needs advice about nuclear
power stations. Today's show sponsored by Tweezer City, for all your tweezer needs.

11. IRAQ EXIT
Parliament Grouse, Cantberra, where Opposition Leader Kevin Krudd tackles John Hobbit over the Iraq
debacle. Which one has the answer? And why is Mr Speaker holding that whip?

12. ZIMBABWE SITCOM
Hilarious antics of the Mugabe household in "Everybody Loves Robert". Learn the sensitive new-age way
to beat up women. Features: Robert Mugabe, M'Barbara Mugabe, John Hobbit.

13. DAVID HICKS RETURNS
A much loved terrorism star comes home after 5 years abroad and is mobbed by fans, but is taken away
to face a fate worse than prison. Keep an ear out for a cameo from David's manager, Harry M. Bummer.

14. PAULINE'S TIPS
Pauline Hatful parts with helpful hints for visiting foreigners in "Top Tips for Foreign Friends". If this doesn't
keep them out, nothing will.

15. CNN 19.4.07
News includes Ian Thorpe's shock revelation that he uses performance enhancing drugs. Features: Peter
Hardnose, Kevin Krudd, Telstra boss Sol Tortilla, John Michael Starsniffer, Keith Richards, Dazza Beefsteak.

16. FAT GEORGE
President George Dubya Gump puts on weight, and seeks diet advice from his fit little powerwalking friend
Downunder, Jimmy. Laura is as perplexed as usual by George's logic.

17. THE BIG SLASH OF '07
With a humiliating electoral defeat staring him in the face, a desperate President John W Hobbit picks up a
knife. Features: John and Janette Hobbit, Kevin Krudd and wife Mother Therese.

18. ANZAC SUNRISE SERVICE
Kochie and Mel host the Anzac Dawn Service with some great entertainment, including James Morrison on
the bugle. Features: Kochie, Mel, Kevin Krudd, Joe Wobbly.

19. THE LITTLE DIGGER
Reporter Peter Hardnose accompanies John Hobbit as he celebrates Anzac Day with beer and two-up,
and explains to some old diggers that his military heritage goes back to Roman times. We believe him.

20. SUSWARE PETS
Hey pet lovers! Sick of your dog and want something new? Susware has the answer! Yes that's right! The
latest in fashionable pets, new from Susware! They've done it again!

21. BILL, HILARY & KRUDD
Kevin Krudd visits the possible future US President, Hilary Clinton and her husband Bill to discuss Iraq.
Kevin and Hilary want a no-mess exit strategy. Bill can't help with that.

22. DUST FILE
Johnny and his team examines the surprisingly small dirt file on Kevin Krudd. Features: John Hobbit, Alex
Bummer, Amanda Vanshape, Bile Heffernan, Tony Abscess.

MARCH 2007

RELEASE DATE: 31 March 2007

Cactus 3849-3870 Mar 1-31, 2007

TRACK LIST

1. Copyright

2. HELLO, GEORGE?
A worried President John W. Hobbit calls President George W Gump to sort our the Iraq war, alleged
torture and our Free Trade Agreement. George has trouble enough answering the phone.

3. KRUDDY MARDI GRAS
Kevin Krudd & Julia Buzzard climb aboard the Labor Dream Team float at the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras
parade. Sometimes we wish radio had pictures.

4. AMANDA GETS BONED
Amanda Vanshape is desperate to get her job back as Immigration Minister after being boned by John
Hobbit. Her new job as ambassador to Italy could never be as good as jailing refugee children.

5. ALEX EXPLAINS
Foreign Minister Alex Bummer defends the war in Iraq, explaining the situation to the press in his usual
curly-headed way. Journalists include Peter Hardnose, Michelle Raton, Kerry O'pinion, Glenfidich Milne.

6. BRAINIEST PETS
Sandra Sultry hosts "The Nation's Brainiest Celebrity Pets". Is Elle McPherson's pony, Lucky, smarter than
Bob Brown's pet sperm whale, Moonbeam? We'' find out after the break.

7. YEAR of the PIG ELECTIONS
Kochie and Mel quiz Kevin Krudd, Pauline Hatful and Johnny Hobbit. They find Johnny finalising his new
pre-election Cabinet lineup. Full of vote winners of course!

8. KRUDD THE LODGER
Although the election is still months away, John Hobbit finds that preferred PM Kevin Krudd has already