Australian Comedy - How Green Was My Cactus Who's Who

FLOPPOSITION LEADER TONY ABCESS

“Like my new hair colour? It’s Clairol Bacon Adventure. Luckily my boyfriend Tim is a hairdresser so every night he touches me up. I believe I could have put that better.”

“Look, ar, same-sex marriage is unnatural and dangerous. I mean, I find gay people threatening enough without having them, ar, come at you in pairs. And what could be more unnatural than coming home to find a, ar, man ironing your shirts.”

“It wasn’t my stimulus package that saved our economy, it was New Zealand’s stimulus package. Their cash hand-outs went into our economy because most of them live here.

“I thought that GDP was the chemical symbol for money. I mean really darling, I find economics nearly as confusing as all those buttons in an elevator.”

SHADOW TREASURER JOE WOBBLY

“As the Minister for Foreign Affairs, I’m off overseas more often than Shane Warne’s pants.”

“I have a 9-Point Plan to bring those greedy Big Four Banks into line. It was a 20-Point Plan but I got a bit peckish.”

"I adore being in Parliament House because I get to spend all my day among vegetables."

“Well, no, no, I’m not incompetent as my colleagues say I am. I’m, well, I’m a very important spanner in the Coalition works, don’t you worry about that.”

“One admires your Opposition Leader, Tony Abscess. Apparently I’m the only queen he doesn’t find threatening.”

“My fellow Americans. I am here to announce that our economy is no longer a basket case. Because we had to sell the basket.”

“I like to watch 60 Minutes. I like the ticking.”

“Tony Abscess is so narrow minded that he often wears his own bottom as a hat.”