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HOW GREEN WAS MY CACTUS

Starring

KEITH SCOTT & ROBYN MOORE

 

 

NUCLEAR TALKBULL

Broadcast 3.9.09

        

MUSIC:  THEME INTRO STING

 

ANNCR:                             How Green Was My Cactus.

MUSIC: FRIENDLY COMMUNITY SERVICE COMMERCIAL, FADE OUT UNDER:    

                                           (FAST) This policy speech is presented by the Leader of the Flopposition, Malcolm Talkbull, the Member for Networth.

 

FX: SYDNEY HARBOUR ATMOS UNDER:

 

TURNBULL:                        Hello my fellow concerned energy users. As one of my people opens the motorised curtains so we can see the bridge and the Opera House from my modest harbourside mansion, it should be obvious that nuclear power is the only way for us all to keep our indoor pools heated and our wine cellars cooled without contributing to global warming. I mean, consider the alternative energy sources. Solar power is useless because the sun gives you skin cancer. One shower with solar hot water and youŐre likely to drop dead in your own monogrammed bathrobe. Now, wind  power may be good for pushing my 60-footer Lucy Two around the harbour without using my twin turbo in-board Mercury Canaverals, but just remember that wind is also something that makes babies cry, and whoŐd want to do that eh? Not me. Oh and thereŐs all sorts of other fancy science fiction energy ideas like geo-thermal power and tidal power and flower power and Brand Power and so forth, but these ideas are kooky. So thatŐs why we need the new, visionary, forward-thinking technology thatŐs proven itself for decades, nuclear power. I know some people think nuclear power is unsafe, but statistics prove that more people are killed every year by wind power. Wind power like Hurricane Katrina. Cyclone Tracy. Megan Gale.

 

 

And as for the safety of tidal power just look at all those tsunamis, I couldnŐt believe the devastation my home cinema was showing me. Nuclear power is even safer than geo-thermal power - theyŐre still digging bodies up in Pompeii, all boiled alive in lava.  So, to avoid being blown to death or drowned or boiled alive we need nuclear power, clean and fresh, like Listerine for the environment. Yes nuclear power conjures up images of the Colgate ring of confidence, bing, and cuddly little puppies playing with toilet paper.

FX: CHAMPAGNE CORK POP & POURING UNDER:

                                           So take my word for it. Nuclear power, thatŐs where the smart money is.

FX: CLINK OF GLASS

                                           Must go, here comes my broker. Ciao.

                                             

MUSIC: THEME OUT